I'm here trying to decide whether Vivo or Encanto has been the movie of the year for me. Mind you, I don't get to watch that many movies anymore. Early childhood parenting will do that to you. Also I have just remembered that it was actually this year that I watched (listing in no particular order, only movies that I actually liked) Jungle Cruise (twice), Wish Dragon, Over The Moon, and Meet the Mitchell's (countless times thanks to our toddler who has to watch everything more than a million times! Aaaargh. Wow it's been a long year! Okay so I've watched a lot of movies Lol
"I'm losing my gift!" Cried big sister what's her name from Encanto. I can relate to this. I have been singing since I could breathe. Unfortunately when we tie our gift to our identity, we feel a tragic lostness when it's no longer there. From the time I had my first baby, water retention affected my voice box too. Had I known more about this I wouldn't have been singing so much when I was expecting. I'm yet to make peace with the fact that I can't sing the way I used to. Or perhaps have not yet found the courage to learn how to exploit the power of my new voice musically . Either way, I would never trade my incredible gifts (babies) for that one gift even though it was a big part of who I was. But realise I am more than just a voice, a body, a mom, a survivor of trauma..
Vivo wishing he could sing just "One More Song" with Andrés Hernández reminds me of how much I wish I had recorded with my Dad. Most people who knew him never knew him as a musician. He used to have us sit around him in the living room while he sang and played his guitar.
We all have a Bruno in our lives that we don't want to talk about. Could be an enstranged family member, a painful experience, a sensitive issue like body image, a tragic loss, a mistake you made that haunts you, a chapter in your life that makes you sick to your stomach, a conversation you don't want to have with a loved one, or secret struggle or fear that gets you knotted and feel as though no one would understand.
Sometimes the reason we don't talk about our Brunos is because we somehow fear that talking about them would make them even more real, or because we fear judgement or ridicule. However there are those who find it helpful to talk about Bruno. Psychologists recommend it. A Psychologist (not mine! LoL) Dr. Ellen Hendriksen explains that from feeling less alone to getting support to finding some kind of meaning; talking about trauma can help you make some sense of your experience thereby helping you recover.
According to her and not necessarily in these words, not talking about Bruno can lead to the natural process of healing getting stuck, leading to what they call PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) the heart of which is active avoidance, that is, turning away from anything and any one that reminds us of the person or experience. Another Psychologist Dr. Judith Herman wrote that talking with someone who gets it slices away the cobwebs of isolation because what trauma does is to isolate it's victims.
They pointed out that addressing the trauma helps one to realise they are more than what happened. "There’s life before the assault, the accident, or the war, and then there’s an entirely different life after." It helps to gain some perspective, that just because it happened once doesn’t mean it will happen every time. "Like an oyster makes a pearl out of a painful grain of sand, a trauma survivor may make something more meaningful out of trauma."
Perhaps it's time to talk to or about Bruno. If not, I hope that you will find a way to finally make peace with yours.
Wishing you a Happier and Physically & Mentally Healthier New Year.
Nic
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