Dear Void, I decided to blog today. It has been almost 8 months since my last entry. And because I cannot explain where I have been (partially because I don’t want to-hehe), I shall not attempt it. You get tired of dealing with the drama in your life and so you decide you won’t deal with it anymore. Sooner or later you realize actually, that not dealing with it is in fact, dealing with it. But in case it is not yet apparent, I am pretty much still on this planet (^^,) and I have learned, life waits for no one to heal, to catch up, to get it together. It with its broad shoulders, nose in the air, caveman beard and football legs, keeps marching on with or without us. That description alone ought to tell you how I currently feel about life.Been thinking about a bucket list lately but that’s a whole other blog. I have learned that smart phones are stupid. I lost everything I desired to keep in my phone for like no reason. Aaargh even lost my calculator lol.
I had a dream last night in which someone gave me a simple Mathematical equation that I couldn’t solve and of a lady I know telling me to get married before earth disintegrates #whatthafreckles =O! Life’s better with company, George Clooney said. “Everybody needs a co-pilot.”
Bob Marley said the truth is that everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.
Anyhoo, back to the dream: I hate how Math makes me feel like a dumb blonde, with all due respect to all the dumb blondes out there =). It became apparent to me, as Math has never had a soft spot in my heart that the dream was about a current concern that I have that I am not enjoying and perhaps cannot solve. I hate failing. And I hate wondering and things that don’t make sense. Needless to say I woke up frowning with a headache that I am still nursing.
I recently attended a symposium on Climate Change and learned a bunch of things. Like how human waste can generate electricity hehe. How there’s a difference between a policy and a bright idea. Not all bright ideas are policies and not all policies are bright ideas =D! And it dawned on me that man cannot create water. :: the horror:: =O. There’s a difference between doing something out of duty and a sense of responsibility. And no one wants to feel like a job or a project. At least I don’t.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I am wondering whether I am officially at the age where I am no longer excited about Birthdays. Something deep must have zapped the yay hooray out of me. I was reminded by someone recently how I threw my own 21st birthday party. Isn’t that sad? =) Whatever happened to that girl I wonder. Perhaps I can find a morsel of succor in the fact that I still pretty much feel 21.
I find birthdays somewhat…depressing. Ok, Yoda, here’s the thing. You look at your life, where you are and where you thought and the world thinks you ought to be and well…blah. The battle is more within than without and its bad enough so ah leave me alone =). Would I feel better if I were where I thought I’d be? Maybe. Either way I hate wondering.
I have to re-learn a lot of things. Listening happens to be one of which. I've currently got the attention span of a very small gold fish. My thought processor seems to be in danger of irreversibly jamming =O. You name it, I’m probably thinking about it. No...I’m not thinking about that =D! I have also gotten into the habit of being painfully honest with people. If your jokes are dry as toast, you can count on me to point that out =D. I find it rather curious how I have an excellent memory for things that are best forgotten but I lately wont remember where I left that darn needle a few minutes ago until OUCH. Oh =)
Letting go of letting go, giving up on giving up and looking forward to looking forward. These are some of the words swimming around my head. I have concluded it’s only because they sound deeply poetic, and I am deep and enjoy flirting with words (**,). I have observed, most artists are neurotics but not all neurotics are artists (^^,)
I am currently not very well versed with a lot of stuff happening in the world today. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah, blissful death LoL. And so as I reflect, I am, I think or feel (not sure), seeking a clearer definition of self, a reason and a happy ending. If at all the word “ending” can co-exist harmoniously with the word “happy.” Sigh (You just know I had to sigh LoL).
One thing hasn’t changed. I’m still as random as ever. And yeah, I still talk too much. Life is short. Say what you need to say before…. forever (^^,) Later…..maybe.
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